The Inspection.

When building a house you need..............

1. A permit
2. A plan
3. A Building Inspector
4. An Ability to bullshit

The permit, A collection of paper which the council has made you fill out twice, So they can keep a copy and you.
This is a very expensive piece of document, depending on council and fee's you could be looking at $1800
 So make damn sure you have crossed your T's and dotted your I's.

The plan is part of the permit. Most councils require 3 sets.
That's alot of trees. Most plans have 30 to 40 A3 pages in them. triple it, and you have enough paper to cover the Sistine chapels ceiling.
They keep one, you keep one, and the Inspector keeps one. (he comes later)

Try to make sure your draughtsman's (Yes draughtsMAN's, bloody PC bullshit) drawings are correct in all 3.  Very embarrassing to explain to the council why the window is in the wrong wall.......


 The inspection. AKA the building inspectors visit.

You call to make an appointment, they come and sign off your work. Easy.
If only.
This is where the line goes grey, You do the work correctly, even majestically, but if you annoy the inspector, expect a big fat.......N/A  (Not Approved)
You don't want that. Ever. They remember like Elephants, and will bring it up over and over.

Inspectors are a curious bunch, Once were builders, well some, and either got to old, or broken from building that they moved on.
Others are paper bred.
In other words 3 weeks of night school taught by your balding, over weight, Wood work teacher who smells like a $12 bottle of scotch mixed with coffee and used to "cuddle" the girls to help them sight the "wood" straight.
Then they know it all. (insert Tui ad here)

And this is where "Bullshit" comes in handy, Not because of the work you have done. Oh no, the work is fine, detailed, exact.
You have to "bullshit" like hell to make them think you like them, And want them there to inspect your work, Hang out, crack a joke, laugh at their jokes.
All for that important......Pass.

Hence the most important part of an inspection is Bullshit! And I'm quite fucking good. (Never failed an inspection yet!)

Builder.

Foundations.

Foundations, What a word.  If you have an elemental grasp of the English language, You will understand the word.

foun·da·tion

noun

1.

the basis or groundwork of anything: the moral foundation of both society and religion.

2.

the natural or prepared ground or base on which some structure rests.

3.

the lowest division of a building, wall, or the like, usually of masonry and partly or wholly below the surface of the ground.

4.

the act of founding,  setting up, establishing, etc.: a policy in effect since the foundation.

5.

the state of being founded. 

 

So Ignore 1,4,and 5 there you go. 

In building, there are several ways to build your foundations.

1. Dig a trench or two, throw in some steel, bit of concrete, VOILA!

2. Dig another hole, throw in a pile or two, bit of concrete, VOILA!

3. Drive some bloody big piles into the ground, Timber or steel, VOILA

4. Dump cubic metres of sand, knock up some boxing, level, Compact, steel, mesh, Concrete, VOILA!

 

1. When digging trenches you have to be able to use a spade in close proximity to a string line. Failure to dig the trench straight and true costs money, (more concrete) also cutting the string line with the spade costs as well.

 A dozen each time you do it. ( And trust me, you will only do it once, because the boss will be swearing at you)

Digging is an art, it really is, do it wrong and its hard back braking work, Let the spade do the work and its easy.

I love watching people who cant dig. Its great. I'm just disappointed they somehow keep all ten toes.

A nicely dug footing is a work of art, (But this could just be a builder thing) easy to place steel into. Easy to pour.

 

Same as a pile hole. 2. The easiest way is to use an auger on the end of a digger or bobcat, Does all the work for a perfect hole. Then you just drop in your timber pile and away you go!

Try digging a 1500mm deep 400mm square Anchor pile. Go on try it!  Getting the last part of dirt out the bottom is like landing a 747 on the deck of an aircraft carrier goddamn impossible.

That's why 3. is always an option. Especially on Peat. No not Pete your mate, Peat. ugly soft soil that actually over time moves.

Driving piles into peat and difficult ground is expensive, but the monkey does all the work. Seriously. 

A monkey is the nick name we give to the hammer which drops onto the cap over the pile to drive it into the ground. It weighs roughly 500kg, Don't let it hit your head!

One drawback.

Loud. VERY FUCKEN LOUD! Although an old man once fell asleep not more than 3m from where I was driving 4.5m Piles, I kid you not.

4. My favourite, Why? Because its the easiest.

Basically you set out your house with boxing. 

Fill it full of sand

Level it to the desired height, usually 100mm below the top of the boxing

Spend a ccoouuppllee ooff ddaayyss oonn aa ccoommppaaccttoorr.

Then dig out the footing. EASY!!

So foundations. The start of it all. People hardly ever see them. And don't realise how much work actually goes into them.

So spare a thought for your apprentice builder next time he says he has been digging footings,  He might have cut the string line several times. His ear's are sore.

And is on his way to the local liqueur shop to get the Beer.....

Builder.

Building.

I have decided, In my great wisdom, That over the next several months I will give a stage by stage account of building a new house.
This will enlighten a few of you (Economists more than others) of the perils of house building.

Of course I will talk Builders speak, and will translate for you.
Example, a Footing is not a good purchase for your boots as you climb a mountain, Rather a seriously big fucking trench you have spent 2 days digging in the blazing sun, or freezing cold, either way not enjoyable.

Most people get excited at building a new house, as they should. But few have ever thought about the process.

On a simple time line you have. The Builder
                                               The Plumber
                                               The Sparky     (Electrician)
                                               The Stopper
                                               The Roofer
                                               The Painter
                                               and of course the Inspector.

Of these people, We the builders, do the majority of the work. The Inspector the least. Although he has the most power. Typical.

Okay.  Setting out a site.
This involves finding your boundary pegs. To do this you need a site map, a scythe, and a hell of alot of good luck.
Because where the site map says the pegs are. They re not! they are in the general vicinity, which could be several metres  ( and Metres is spelt correctly) in any direction. Which is where the scythe comes in handy for clearing grass to find such peg.
Once found you have to place the building correctly on the site.  Allow for daylight hours, distance from Boundary, and maximum coverage.

Sounds exciting. Actually so boring doing this you wish you had become an Economist instead.
Once completed, you get to start Foundations!

That, however is another blog.

Builder.